Is society breeding future sex offenders
I have no regrets. We wanted to commit the offence, and we did." This admission of 24-yearold Raja, the eighth accused in the rape of a Bangalore law student, who was caught nearly a
year after committing the crime, sent chills down many a spine. His complete disregard for
humanity and lack of remorse for violating someone's body is shocking, to say the least.
Many would like to believe that we made a difference by making a huge hue and cry about
the December 2012 Delhi gang-rape.
Everyone discussed it at large and even secretly celebrated when one of the accused met a
gruesome death as an under-trial in jail. Since incidents of rape have continued unabated,
the focus is now on what it is that makes men like Raja, who go about their lives unaffected
and feel that there is nothing to apologize for? Being a patriarchal society, are we
unwittingly teaching boys that violence against women is OK? And are we also telling our
girls to bear the shame and suffer in silence? "This is partly true," says clinical
psychologist Dharitri Ramaprasad, adding, "Boys are made to believe that they can do
anything they want.
Boys internalize traits like being dominating and feel that they are all-powerful. As they
grow, they take on those roles, and feel that they have a certain amount of power over the
fairer sex." Though many urban homes look free of abuse on the surface, there is a less inyour-face form of bias that is present. Sons are rarely expected to do chores or help out, for
instance, but girls are frowned upon if they can't cook by a certain age. Girls are also taught
to serve men, and the norm in many homes is for the women to eat after everyone else,
despite labouring for hours in the kitchen. "My father was in no way violent towards my
mother, but she was always the one to eat the burnt roti or wake up early even on holidays.
My mother would tell me to set the table or help out in the kitchen, while my brother was
never asked to do so," says Kamala, a techie.
Can the Indian man's mindset against women change?
"When I brought it up with her, she saw nothing wrong with it. Although these maybe small
incidents, they go a long way in forming gender roles in kids," adds Kamala. A survey by the
Times of India earlier this month found that 70% people feel that Indian man's mindset
towards women cannot change. One man from Delhi even said that it "shouldn't". As the
country progresses, and women assume more significant roles in various industries, what is
it that still makes men view them as nothing more than mere objects? Is it that we have
become used to the way things are and have accepted that women are repressed? "Almost
all my friends have been groped or molested.
Eve-teasing is such a normal part of our lives that we have developed a dangerous tolerance
towards it. A friend of mine was molested by her relative as a child and when he kept at it,
she mustered up the courage to tell her parents. Shockingly her parents advised her to keep
mum and forget about what had happened. She still bumps into him at functions and relives
the trauma each time. It's sickening that her parents were more worried about what people
would say than protecting their child," says Nisha, a college student. Dharitri feels that
social stigma is responsible for this. Parents are afraid that their daughters will get tagged,
and no matter what they do or say, the tag will remain. "The future of the child and her
marriage prospects are what drives parents to brush such incidents under the carpet.
Social stigma keeps family members from discussing abuse," she says. Police revealed that
the accused in the rape of a 22-year-old photojournalist in Mumbai last month habitually
threatened, robbed and raped anyone who came into the Shakti Mills compound. It was
reported that none of them showed any remorse for the crime and went about their daily
activities as if nothing had happened — something that they shared in common with the
NLSIU rape accused — showing that even the fear of the law was not enough to keep them
from asserting their dominance. According to Dharitri, if things are to change, childrenmust
be taught to respect each other at a young age. "And there is some positive change that has
taken place over the years. Women are more independent today than they have ever been. I
believe that the mindset of Indian men can indeed change, but that will take time,"
I have no regrets. We wanted to commit the offence, and we did." This admission of 24-yearold Raja, the eighth accused in the rape of a Bangalore law student, who was caught nearly a
year after committing the crime, sent chills down many a spine. His complete disregard for
humanity and lack of remorse for violating someone's body is shocking, to say the least.
Many would like to believe that we made a difference by making a huge hue and cry about
the December 2012 Delhi gang-rape.
Everyone discussed it at large and even secretly celebrated when one of the accused met a
gruesome death as an under-trial in jail. Since incidents of rape have continued unabated,
the focus is now on what it is that makes men like Raja, who go about their lives unaffected
and feel that there is nothing to apologize for? Being a patriarchal society, are we
unwittingly teaching boys that violence against women is OK? And are we also telling our
girls to bear the shame and suffer in silence? "This is partly true," says clinical
psychologist Dharitri Ramaprasad, adding, "Boys are made to believe that they can do
anything they want.
Boys internalize traits like being dominating and feel that they are all-powerful. As they
grow, they take on those roles, and feel that they have a certain amount of power over the
fairer sex." Though many urban homes look free of abuse on the surface, there is a less inyour-face form of bias that is present. Sons are rarely expected to do chores or help out, for
instance, but girls are frowned upon if they can't cook by a certain age. Girls are also taught
to serve men, and the norm in many homes is for the women to eat after everyone else,
despite labouring for hours in the kitchen. "My father was in no way violent towards my
mother, but she was always the one to eat the burnt roti or wake up early even on holidays.
My mother would tell me to set the table or help out in the kitchen, while my brother was
never asked to do so," says Kamala, a techie.
Can the Indian man's mindset against women change?
"When I brought it up with her, she saw nothing wrong with it. Although these maybe small
incidents, they go a long way in forming gender roles in kids," adds Kamala. A survey by the
Times of India earlier this month found that 70% people feel that Indian man's mindset
towards women cannot change. One man from Delhi even said that it "shouldn't". As the
country progresses, and women assume more significant roles in various industries, what is
it that still makes men view them as nothing more than mere objects? Is it that we have
become used to the way things are and have accepted that women are repressed? "Almost
all my friends have been groped or molested.
Eve-teasing is such a normal part of our lives that we have developed a dangerous tolerance
towards it. A friend of mine was molested by her relative as a child and when he kept at it,
she mustered up the courage to tell her parents. Shockingly her parents advised her to keep
mum and forget about what had happened. She still bumps into him at functions and relives
the trauma each time. It's sickening that her parents were more worried about what people
would say than protecting their child," says Nisha, a college student. Dharitri feels that
social stigma is responsible for this. Parents are afraid that their daughters will get tagged,
and no matter what they do or say, the tag will remain. "The future of the child and her
marriage prospects are what drives parents to brush such incidents under the carpet.
Social stigma keeps family members from discussing abuse," she says. Police revealed that
the accused in the rape of a 22-year-old photojournalist in Mumbai last month habitually
threatened, robbed and raped anyone who came into the Shakti Mills compound. It was
reported that none of them showed any remorse for the crime and went about their daily
activities as if nothing had happened — something that they shared in common with the
NLSIU rape accused — showing that even the fear of the law was not enough to keep them
from asserting their dominance. According to Dharitri, if things are to change, childrenmust
be taught to respect each other at a young age. "And there is some positive change that has
taken place over the years. Women are more independent today than they have ever been. I
believe that the mindset of Indian men can indeed change, but that will take time,"
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